The biggest obstacle facing each of us is overcoming ourselves.
Yes the environment in which we live influences our choices, but our main obstacle is the internal environment of destructive dialog with ourselves. Certainly the effects of childhood traumas lead to misdirected internal dialog. Choices we make afterwards, even though related to those traumas, are still our choices. The old messages cannot be blamed for all that is wrong later on.
Hurt from relationships that were difficult can influence unconnected relationships, but again, the choice is there to bring in the hurt or accept that the hurt does not have to destroy the other relationships. The internal dialog about relationships can stew in the hurt and disappointment or can move on to excitement and appreciation.
Overcoming self-imposed misery is the most important step in achieving satisfaction. External events cannot bring satisfaction if the internal dialog rejects it. Other people cannot provide happiness when the internal messages prevent it.
The key to overcoming destructive internal dialog is to listen to internal directives instead:
- Quiet urging to explore interests that have been ignored should be heeded. The quiet urging tells you in a hushed voice that is your connection to yourself and to your essence. The quiet urging presents wisdom within.
- Incessant thoughts about philanthropy are natural reminders of your humanness. These thoughts can be about family members, friends, or social acquaintances. All people naturally consider the welfare of those around them. These thoughts propel acts of kindness and belonging.
- Strong messages of Intuitive knowledge advise about actions to take and choices to make. Intuitive knowledge advises about split-second decisions, choice hierarchy (knowing the choice that fits your needs and temperament), and uncomfortable situations. Intuitive messages offer contrast to destructive internal dialog.
- Bodily cues dispute destructive internal dialog by presenting the body’s needs in tangible feelings of hunger, thirst, restlessness, and shutdown. The cues prevent immersion in despair, unless the body is too weak or overtaken by invasive substances (too much legal or illegal drugs).
In the poem “!!Me!!” from Connection—A Collection of Wisdom Poetry, the following words describe aspects of the destructive internal dialog:
The part that sees the needs of others
and holds back.
The part that sees the needs of me
and holds back.
The part that craves love
and then becomes afraid
when love is received.
Overcoming self-inflicted pain is the most important step towards living a life that is true and fulfilling. Shutting off the destructive internal dialog and amping up the internal directives can bring real satisfaction in life.