A Balanced Approach to Wellness

Archive for the ‘Self-love’ Category

Underachievement

Underachievement

What does underachievement mean?

It means knowing what you want, but settling for something else.

It means having companionship that causes you shrinkage.

It means following the path of others when those paths are inappropriate.

It means seeing yourself in a belittling mirror.

It means agreeing to suggestions that just hearing them causes shutting down.

Who are affected by underachievement?

Children who aim to please no matter what the request.

Partners in a relationship who agree to unwanted treatment.

Friends who have their own opinions but are ignored.

Followers of celebrities who allow the celebrities’ achievements to be more important than personal achievements.

Why do people let themselves underachieve?

Boredom

Fear

Guilt

Culture

Ease

How can an underachiever bring change?

Find positivity in aspects of one’s life.

Grow these positive aspects.

Allow the positive aspects to be the focus.

I love ME!

Post 75-learning to love I

Post 76-loving oneself

In the book The Gift of Intuitive, Dedicated Comfort, it says:

“…Finding ways to bring joy, love, movement, challenge, acceptance, patience, warmth, and balance should be pursued.”

These goals lead to loving oneself, purposeful living, and calm. These goals are doable. These goals should enable satisfaction in one’s life. Not to a simple or easy life—that is not the goal. The goal is to have the ability to weather whatever comes and to live with vitality and determination.

Each person determines the way to these goals. There are no exact directions for everyone. In general, smiling often is better than frowning and lifts one’s spirits. Remember to smile.

Moving can bring change—not moving to a new location—no! moving one’s body! Often, especially in dance or out in nature. A treadmill is fine, but a walk in nature is better. Moving in a group is very invigorating—in a dance class or exercise group or on a hike or in the water. Group dynamics can increase the mood benefits. But a group is not required to move. Taking computer breaks OFTEN and stretching—very important! Encouraging others to move –important too. In the book, Pond a Connected Existence, the human need for movement is number 5! Remember to move.

Balance can seem like an illusive goal, but it is not if you are open to balancing ALL the components of health—physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual. Being open is better than being determined to oppose. So much occurs that is not in our realm of understanding; why expect to understand everything? Balance through eating healthfully, working through negative emotions, challenging the intellect, and opening to spiritual possibilities.

And yes—being patient. Not an easy thing to be in our instant gratification society. Working towards a goal takes time, dedication, perseverance, and time. And more time. And more perseverance and time. And being prepared.

“Being prepared means readying for whatever—whatever happens, whatever doesn’t happen, whatever presents itself for opportunity or for disaster.” from Oneself—Living (soon to be published).

Self-love is possible!

Loving oneself—it can be done

Post 76-loving oneself

Loving oneself can occur and does occur when the awareness of its importance is brought to light. In the book, Pond a Connected Existence, the ten most important things that the average human requires are listed in the order of their importance. Self-love is number 8!

Self-love is not simple to achieve, especially for those who grow up in societies that do not value its importance. Nonetheless, people must strive to love themselves so that they can move on and love others.

What is self-love? It is described in the book Oneself-Living (soon to be published):

“Self-love, like [deep love of others], has six requirements: #1 obligation #2 appreciation #3 attraction #4 devotion. #5 flow #6 admiration

1  obligation to assist, support, and be available physically
2  appreciation of assistance, support, and character
3  attraction to inner and outer
4  held in close consideration at all times (devotion)
5  openness to surprise, acknowledgment of mortality, accommodation of cultures, and thoughtfulness
6  admiration for kindnesses, assistance, and acceptances done for others and for self”

The requirements of self-love

  1. obligation to assist, support, and be available physically: assist and support oneself when feeling unable to achieve goals or daily tasks and care for one’s physicality so that the body can be able to provide support for one’s tasks and goals.
  2. appreciation of assistance, support, and character: be able to see one’s assistance and support for oneself and be able to appreciate the variation of character traits (and not focus on negative traits).
  3. attraction to inner and outer: feel a sense of pull towards one’s physical appearance and one’s character traits. Especially for women, this requirement is important when the advertising and entertainment industries push unrealistic beauty indexes.
  4. held in close consideration at all times (devotion): remember to include one’s own needs when living life (not put other people’s needs first). Even a mother has to put her needs above her baby’s needs if she is going to tend to the baby properly. This requirement is not easy because it can be confused with being selfish, which it is not.
  5. openness to surprise, acknowledgment of mortality, accommodation of cultures, and thoughtfulness: all of these requirements are connected because they all require consideration of life’s realities.
  6. admiration for kindnesses, assistance, and acceptances done for others and for self: notice what one does for others (being kind, providing assistance, giving way when others’ needs require it) and applaud oneself for caring for personal needs and dreams.

Self-love is the basis for balanced living. Without it, one is always askew no matter how well one eats or exercises or volunteers.

“When we …are able to heal ourselves then only are we ready to help others.” by Ann Wigmore in the Naturama living textbook.

Not liking someone

Post 74-not liking

People are generally nice to people they know. Not always, but generally so. The more a person circulates in the world, the less he or she can know the people who cross his or her path, and the less these other people can be liked. Politeness and mannered interactions are not being discussed here. The subject is liking or not liking.

People are nice or not nice to others, depending on upbringing and temperament. When a person is unkind to someone they don’t know, the person usually feels little or no remorse because the other person has little significance. When a person is unkind to a friend or family member, the feelings will be different unless the two people are already at odds. Unkind behavior has an effect when either person cares for the other and is hurt by the unexpected negative behavior. Unkind behavior wounds and scars relationships and people.

Being friendly, but feeling disdain inside, reaches the other person in an intangible sort of way. Same with pretending to care or pretending to feel warmth when warmth does not exist inside. Expecting ourselves to be nice to everyone who crosses our paths is difficult, but mostly when we let ourselves feel unkindness inside towards the others and towards our own selves.

The more we feel nice feelings towards ourselves, the more we can like others. The less satisfied we are with ourselves, the more people we dislike. Even when we travel the world and meet many people, we can experience empathy, interest, and pleasure with these encounters if we are empathetic, interested in, and pleased with ourselves.

Not liking ourselves leads to not liking others

The work begins within!

Thoughts about people

Hearts

When we think about others, our thinking is colored by what we think about them. In other words, how we feel about them and how we feel they affect us, affects how we assess them. Also, our thinking about ourselves affects our thinking about others.

If someone has been kind to us, our opinion of this person could be kind in turn, or not, depending on if we think we deserved the kindness. If our opinion is that we didn’t deserve the kindness (because we know that we were neglectful, distracted, or undeserving), then we may consider this person to be foolish or lacking in deservedness as well. Our opinion will be negative rather than positive, when positive would have been the balanced thinking. The more we are balanced in our thinking about ourselves, the more we can evaluate others clearly and with objectivity.

How we see ourselves is how we see others. We must aim to be self-kind and self-forgiving and self-loving.

More to come on this topic…

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