Addiction to failure is not a natural state. People are born to succeed, but caregivers, society, and natural phenomenon (like natural disasters) can redirect towards failure. Failure can be in one or two areas or can become a defining personality trait.
For example, parents who are emotionally distant to their child, are consistently absent from the child’s life, and ignore the child’s natural interests, can push the child towards feelings of uncertainty about choices and towards dejection. The dejection and uncertainty can then translate into actions that do not suit the child’s natural talents, which can then lead to feelings of failure. This type of failure addiction can affect all areas of a person’s life and can continue into adulthood if the behavior is not questioned and addressed.
Failure addiction that is localized in one or two areas can occur when people are unaware of their natural abilities, their internal pace (that is, the natural speed of a person), their seasonal preferences, and their soulfully felt interests. Localized failure addiction is also influenced by incorrect interpretations of natural floundering when attempting new tasks or by improper responses to a minor mistake that get multiplied into a general opinion of failure.
Failure addiction can be taught by coworkers who constantly criticize and sabotage. It can be taught by teachers who shame and belittle. It can be taught by family members who are demeaning. And it can be taught by a society that rejects and ostracizes members for their behaviors or differences.
Failure addiction is a strain on society, and it is a cause for suicide and illness.
See Addiction to failure
Note: In the spiritual realm, the perpetrators (those who teach failure addiction) are gently guided towards better behavior in future incarnations.
Once upon a time, we were balanced. That moment occurred when we were born, and it continued to occur when our caretakers cared for us in loving and attentive ways. Balance continued when our caregivers saw our individual nature and nourished our individuality. Balance continued to occur when we grew and people in our community accepted us for who we are. We developed our skills and our talents and we each found our way to develop our influence in the community. We built relationships that were loving and giving and we followed our path until the path stopped. Our influence on the people around us was large, because we were balanced and accepting of ourselves and all around us. We were balanced and stayed balanced throughout our lifetime.
A fairy tale? Balance throughout our lifetime?
Staying balanced is key to living a life that is fulfilling and vibrant. Even if our childhoods were not balanced and even if we did not develop our skills and talents to their potential, we can return to a balanced state by focusing on positive aspects of ourselves and caring for ourselves in a loving and attentive way. Rebalance is possible when we truly want it.
Rebalance occurs when we care for our bodies properly with adequate sleep, proper nutrition, consistent care for the eyes (not too much screen time), and enough exercise. Physical care is not enough for rebalance to occur. We must also balance our emotions through releasing negativity (see https://energy-guidance-complete.com/2014/09/30/enough-drawers/) and connecting to others (see https://energy-guidance-complete.com/2013/10/08/connections-are-the-means/).
Rebalance requires deep and relaxing breathing. Rebalance requires regular connection to nature. Rebalance requires seeing oneself through kind and accepting eyes.
Rebalance is possible. It is not a fairy tale.
The view from inside is often critical and too focused. Self-examination usually reveals missteps and mistakes, faulty executions, and missing sound evaluations.
In reality, missteps and mistakes might have happened, but at a lower level than the internal review presented. People tend to be too self-critical and judgmental.
What is the new view?
The new view is examination without negative judgment, evaluation without name-calling and put-downs. The new view is passionate but realistic, thorough but forgiving, expectant but fair, demanding but evenhanded.
We know our capabilities and our aptitude. We know our achievements and successes from the past. Focusing on the desired goals and working towards them guide us and lessen the hold of criticism and self-doubt.
To repeat: focusing on the goals and working towards them, letting the criticism and self-doubt flitter away, is the start to a new view of oneself.
“Implementing openness and patience and understanding towards oneself provide the way for balancing personal opinion. Being open to one’s own abilities and gifts. Being patient when learning new skills. Being patient when trying new endeavors. Understanding that perfection is the realm of Spirit only and that the created perfection of the world flows from very imperfect segments. Perfection and perfectionism should be banned words! Unattainable, time wasters, alienating.” …from Oneself—Living
“Picture crookedness is life in reality. Crooked smiles, crooked teeth, crooked noses, on and on. No need for photoshopping. Real life—in its imperfecttion and individuality. Life lived in truth, not in denial. Life lived in gulps, not in narrow sips. Life experienced widely, largely, encompassingly!”… from Pond a Connected Existence.
There is no such thing as perfection (by humans), and aiming for perfection is time wasted and effort expended for naught. Perfection is the realm of spirit so people cannot reach it.
Understanding that perfection is unattainable is the first step towards true living. No one has to be perfect at anything. Doing one’s best—yes! Practicing and practicing so that one’s performance is very good –yes! Learning and studying and learning more so that one’s work is done well—yes! Applying oneself wholeheartedly—yes! Settling for mediocre—yes or no depending on the importance of the task. Settling for pretty good—yes or no depending on the importance of the results.
“Picture perfection elicits reactions that are not balanced. Picture perfection generates envy and self-doubt. Output perfection, input covetousness and pining. These inputs can lessen our opinions of ourselves. We think the other has more or is more or does more. We think that we have less or that we fall short. This negative sense of self is mistaken behavior. And it is continuously engineered.” … from Pond a Connected Existence.
Yes, engineered. People are manipulated into buying things because of manipulation of pictures. People are controlled by advertisements that promise perfect results. Ignoring these constant messages is not easy, but is doable when we understand the extent of manipulation and intended control.
The more we understand how much we are manipulated, the more we can be real—a bit crooked, but truly as intended.
When we strive to achieve a goal, we often set the aim too high >> to perfection. Mistaken selection.
Perfection and perfect delivery are beyond human ability. A tree is perfect; a horse is perfect; a human baby is perfect; even a person with severe disabilities is perfect in his or her compensation. Human accomplishments cannot be perfect. Therefore, we should strive for “close to”.
“Close to is close enough. Close to is better than 100%. Close to is the goal.
When we reach close to, we must be grateful and we must let go of unrealistic expectations. We must reach our goal (of close to) and then move on to our next goal. Creating a home life that is mostly satisfying is worthy of gratitude. Finding a partner who generally fills expectations is worthy of investment. Finding friends who usually are dependable are worth keeping. Living up to one’s expectations of oneself, more or less, is worthy of acceptance and satisfaction.”
–from “Certainty Relatively” in The Gift of Intuitive, Dedicated Comfort.
Gratitude and acceptance provide the means to a balanced and elevated life.