A Balanced Approach to Wellness

Archive for the ‘People’ Category

Investing for a rainy day, the good and bad news

This blog post is not about investing money. It is about investing in what’s around you—in friendships, in committed relationships, in neighborly relations, in family, and in the community. Investing in these important relationships is investing for a rainy day at its best!

Good News: Investing in family, friends and community builds a safety net

“Investing in friendships and giving and taking from friends is nourishing. Investing in relationships is natural and is needed to live a balanced life. Investing in family—children, children’s children, siblings, cousins, and so on builds a network of support that is reliable. Investing in communal activities builds a network of support that nourishes and strengthens the individual community members and the collective group.”… from “Oneself—Living”.

Investing time is necessary in order to build a safety net for when life becomes difficult or too hard to bear alone. Often, people put work obligations before obligations to family, friends, and community. This behavior has become acceptable in society, but it is short-sighted. The more a person gives to the relationships that truly matter, the more protection from the surprises that occur in life. Of course, a person must perform work obligations with an enthusiastic spirit and with focus, but work obligations should be one section of life, not all of life.

 Good News: Investing in family, friends and community supports good health

The more people invest in their relationships and community, the more balanced their health. Time spent with people who are meaningful creates memories that enrich beyond the moments in which they occurred. Positive memories are better, but even negative memories create experiences that build and nurture if the negative experiences are within the realm of realistic disagreeable treatment. In other words, interactions with family members, friends, and community acquaintances do not always have to be positive for the investment to be worthwhile. Learning to negotiate the varying needs of the various people is balancing.

Tip:

Choose a community betterment activity that excites you so you’ll want to participate. If you enjoy the arts, volunteer at a museum or in an enhancing-the-neighborhood project. If you prefer working on your own, volunteer with community building or cleaning projects. There are enough volunteer opportunities to suit all personalities.

 Bad News: Not investing is unwise

“Non-investment in relationships with others leads to loneliness, sadness, aloofness, insensitivity, and unsureness. Non-investment in friendship—foolish. Non-investment in marriage—incorrect behavior. Non-investment in intrafamilial connections—mistake. Non-investment in neighborly relations—short-sighted. Non-investment in societal obligations—selfish thinking.”… from “Oneself—Living”.

The less people invest in their relationships and community, the less balanced their health. Simple as that.

Conclusion

Investing for a rainy day means being prepared for whatever may come. Rain is not negative, but it can cause a change in plans. The same is true for changes in health, family structure (through births, deaths, divorce, etc.), and societal balance. Being prepared means planning ahead—making sure to invest in the connections that truly matter.

To purchase the book Oneself-Living, click on the book cover: 

Individual:Group:Self-Reflection

People see. They see what others are doing and do the same—or  not. What they observe in others causes them to adjust their own behavior. People are always adjusting, and self-reflection is the vehicle to the adjusting.

Self-reflection has several meanings. It means seeing an image of oneself in others. It means reflecting back to others their humanness. Reflecting back and forth actions, ideas, and emotions, sometimes with thoughtful reflection and sometimes just reflection.

People are individuals, but group members too, and they reflect on themselves varyingly. The varying self-reflection is dependent upon age, society, and awareness of the soul.

Self-reflection of children

People start life through exploration of themselves and their close companions. The sense of self—one’s boundaries and one’s impact on the environment and others—thoroughly entrances and busies the infant, and leads to understanding of self and others. As the infant gains awareness of caregivers, unknown people, and animals, self-reflection begins. Comparing oneself to others, as a tool to learning how to be, is natural development. When the behavior of others is admirable, the child learns to depend on others, to desire their company, and to identify with them.

Self-reflection of sufferers

When the behavior of others is unkind, indifferent, or impatient, children’s development is affected. They lose their desire to connect with others when the negative reflections are internalized. Children naturally reflect what they learn from their caregivers, except when childlike wonder and happiness prevail. Caregivers who are difficult influence opinions of self and of the community. Close companions negatively influence when they model unkind behavior. Community members and other people negatively influence when they model unkind and unaccepting behavior.

Each person is a reflection of others’ behavior so that the suffering of one reflects over and over as others internalize and reflect the suffering back.

Relationship reflectors

Relationship reflectors are the people in a relationship. People are highly influenced by lovers, close friends, and siblings. They continuously serve-return-volley to one another when the relationship is close. Relationships nurture and balance, and they are required for well-being.

True Reflection

Each person has a soul that provides a personality, likes and dislikes, emotional reactions, and connection to energy from beyond. When the soul is able to influence actions, the person is reflecting soulful definitions.

Living that is true to oneself is self-reflection realized. Living that is true to oneself is expected. Living one’s capabilities and gifts, as an individual and as part of the group, sustains. Individual:group:self-reflection—the meeting point for the soul!

Built to feel superior, internally and by others

Superiority is a learned behavior.

A child is self-interested, because he has his own concerns that consume his attention. This behavior is inborn. The child focuses on himself, not from a sense of superiority, but from the need to survive.

The child encounters others with curiosity, joy, and fear. When a caregiver over-elevates the child’s sense of himself, encounters with others have lessened curiosity, joy, and fear and more expectations of subservience (by the others).

Internal sense of superiority develops from a young age and can be based on gender, race, physical appearance, and attitude. Later comes superiority based on social standing, intelligence, and financial status. Subservient behavior by others and athletic prowess can increase the sense of superiority.

Feeling superior can be intricate, based on all the causes set out above, or it can be single-cause—no matter, the sense of superiority is there. It affects all relationships and all interactions.

Societal sense of superiority, like individual sense of superiority, is learned. The entire society can feel superior, as in an overinflated opinion of race or nationality or it can be bestowed upon members of society who are treated “better” because of gender, physical appearance, financial power, athletic prowess, and other factors (like fashion sense or musical/artistic abilities).

Superiority infuses society with discontent and entitlement. Superiority brings envy and distancing. Each individual builds the societal sense of superiority with internal feelings of being better than or by accepting the societal definitions of superior race or gender or subservient expectations.

Superiority is a learned behavior. It is not innate.

Not all people feel superior nor do they accept societal divisions of superiority. These people are living in a constructive and balanced way. Their example is worth following.

This message is from Spirit. If you act superior to others, your behavior is wrong. Accept differences and release arrogance.

Spirit gives more wisdom about harmful superiority thinking in these posts:

Are men or women superior? Neither!

The focus of recent blog posts has been on the sense of superiority. Today’s post contests superiority by virtue of a chromosomal setting.

The setting for sexual existence—as a male or as a female—determines gender but does not bestow superiority. Gender superiority galvanizes unnaturally through bewildered understanding of males by females and of females by males.

Unnatural is the word to describe superiority based on gender, because there should be no superiority based on gender. Acceptance of the other is the natural rhythm. Building ideas about the other gender that creates superiority actions and treatment stops the natural rhythm of acceptance.

Males and females are equally important and feelings of superiority by either sex are mistaken. Differences exist, but they are irrelevant in nature.

This message is from Spirit. If you act superior to the other sex because you think your gender is more gifted, you are wrong. Accept the differences and release arrogance.

Spirit gives more wisdom about harmful superiority thinking in these posts:

Releasing the Undeserved Sense of Superiority

Yesterday’s post, Undeserved Superiority, yells at us to acknowledge our feelings of superiority over others and to then stop! Stop thinking we’re better than someone else because of our social standing or our religion or our race (among other things that make us feel superior).

I stopped and looked at my own upbringing and my own undeserved sense of superiority over some others and I was shocked at myself. My sense of better-than-some-others needs my acknowledgment and my work to release it. I know it won’t be easy, but I realize my thinking makes me an unempathetic person and I want to change. This look at myself reminds me of an experience I had three years ago when I was visiting in Los Angeles. I share that blog post now as a reminder to myself and to others about how our upbringing can lift or lower us, but that we are all similar. Here is the post from March 27, 2014:

Life is struggle: meeting with people unknown

  • Unwanted, unacknowledged, untended, underfed, unappreciated, unloved, unnoticed, undervalued, undone. The life of the drunk man who sneaked on the bus today and sat by me.
  • Wanted, acknowledged, tended, fed, appreciated, loved, noticed, valued, empowered. My life.

I was riding on an L.A. Metro bus waiting for my soon-to-arrive stop, when the bus stopped to let people off and he sneaked in from the back door and sat next to me. His breath reeked of alcohol, he was dirty, and he was hoping to avoid the notice of the bus driver. He was hopeful that I would not make a fuss, because his day had been one more difficult day in the accumulating number of difficult days that are his life. He didn’t really choose me; I was simply sitting in a convenient place for him to slide in.

I told him that I was about to get off so he shouldn’t sit there, but he ignored me. He spoke somewhat incoherently and I didn’t understand what he said. I told him he hadn’t paid and he started to panic and began talking about how he lives in the Hollywood Hills and is very rich, and the alcohol smell was strong. I felt very uncomfortable and decided to change the subject because he seemed agitated and was moving closer. I talked about the unseasonable rain in L.A. that morning and he was distracted. He realized I wasn’t going to say anything to the bus driver so he became chatty. But then he asked me my name, gave me his, tried to take my hand, really reeked of alcohol.

I was unsure what to do but then we reached my stop, and I told him to press the button for me because we had arrived at my stop. He moved and I pressed the button and asked him to let me out. I was unsure—afraid he might get off and follow me, unsure whether to just go out the back door or go to the front and notify the bus driver, unprepared for this situation. He turned slightly in his seat barely giving me room to get by. I grabbed my things close, forgot my scarf, and exited the bus from the back. He didn’t follow. I felt relieved, noticed my forgotten scarf, walked the wrong way and then corrected my direction.

And what about him? He felt gratitude towards me that I had remained silent, sat quietly for the rest of the trip, got off at his stop to continue his usual existence.

The message from Spirit: Two hearts beating a little too fast. Two lives being lived—one with acceptance, the other with rejection. Both equal.

Spirit is sharing wisdom about  feelings of superiority:

What People Want

Post 13-screen beans supporting

  • To be acknowledged
  • To have someone that gives love
  • To give love in return
  • To feel needed
  • To belong
  • To be recognized for abilities and efforts
  • To invest efforts in living

Security is also wanted, but not by all. Fame inspires some, but its call is quiet for most. Challenge beyond abilities appeals to a few, and it provides satisfaction and regrets. Camaraderie in experiences and memories appeals to most.

Long life is thought to be wanted by all, but many prefer significance to long existence. Significance can come from dedication to a cause or achievement that brings a feeling of completion.

Besides long life, money is thought to be wanted by all. Ownership, a result of money spent, invites those who want it, but not those who seek freedom from things. The feelings of power that come from money are appealing to many, but not to all. Money is important, yet it is less important than other desires.

Connection!
Connection to others and connection to the world around hold the real wants of all people. Being part of and being needed.

Connection offers true satisfaction in life!

Noticing the Wait Staff

waitress-clipart-waitress

Spoiled. That’s how we feel when we are waited upon. Someone to hear what we want. Someone taking orders.

Our needs receive precedence, If only for a moment. What we want to eat or drink or buy. The way we like. And they hear us.

We focus on ourselves and they help us feel important. Feel special.

The wait staff has weight of the business on their backs. They represent the business and they ignore themselves. Their identities are intertwined with the success of the business, and the business uses them.

Noticing the wait staff requires empathy. We, as the customers, can be interested in ourselves and notice the wait staff by giving empathy to ourselves and to them. Acknowledgement enough for their existence as our “hosts” and as individuals with lives apart from the business. Acknowledgement enough for ourselves and our responsibilities.

Businesses require subservience of its workers and dismissal of their struggles. But we can see the workers as equals, interact with kindness, order with a smile.

The customers lift daily duties from meaningless to purposeful for the wait staff—and the vibrations of balance in the world deepen.

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