A Balanced Approach to Wellness

Archive for the ‘People’ Category

Built to feel superior, internally and by others

Superiority is a learned behavior.

A child is self-interested, because he has his own concerns that consume his attention. This behavior is inborn. The child focuses on himself, not from a sense of superiority, but from the need to survive.

The child encounters others with curiosity, joy, and fear. When a caregiver over-elevates the child’s sense of himself, encounters with others have lessened curiosity, joy, and fear and more expectations of subservience (by the others).

Internal sense of superiority develops from a young age and can be based on gender, race, physical appearance, and attitude. Later comes superiority based on social standing, intelligence, and financial status. Subservient behavior by others and athletic prowess can increase the sense of superiority.

Feeling superior can be intricate, based on all the causes set out above, or it can be single-cause—no matter, the sense of superiority is there. It affects all relationships and all interactions.

Societal sense of superiority, like individual sense of superiority, is learned. The entire society can feel superior, as in an overinflated opinion of race or nationality or it can be bestowed upon members of society who are treated “better” because of gender, physical appearance, financial power, athletic prowess, and other factors (like fashion sense or musical/artistic abilities).

Superiority infuses society with discontent and entitlement. Superiority brings envy and distancing. Each individual builds the societal sense of superiority with internal feelings of being better than or by accepting the societal definitions of superior race or gender or subservient expectations.

Superiority is a learned behavior. It is not innate.

Not all people feel superior nor do they accept societal divisions of superiority. These people are living in a constructive and balanced way. Their example is worth following.

This message is from Spirit. If you act superior to others, your behavior is wrong. Accept differences and release arrogance.

Spirit gives more wisdom about harmful superiority thinking in these posts:

Are men or women superior? Neither!

The focus of recent blog posts has been on the sense of superiority. Today’s post contests superiority by virtue of a chromosomal setting.

The setting for sexual existence—as a male or as a female—determines gender but does not bestow superiority. Gender superiority galvanizes unnaturally through bewildered understanding of males by females and of females by males.

Unnatural is the word to describe superiority based on gender, because there should be no superiority based on gender. Acceptance of the other is the natural rhythm. Building ideas about the other gender that creates superiority actions and treatment stops the natural rhythm of acceptance.

Males and females are equally important and feelings of superiority by either sex are mistaken. Differences exist, but they are irrelevant in nature.

This message is from Spirit. If you act superior to the other sex because you think your gender is more gifted, you are wrong. Accept the differences and release arrogance.

Spirit gives more wisdom about harmful superiority thinking in these posts:

Releasing the Undeserved Sense of Superiority

Yesterday’s post, Undeserved Superiority, yells at us to acknowledge our feelings of superiority over others and to then stop! Stop thinking we’re better than someone else because of our social standing or our religion or our race (among other things that make us feel superior).

I stopped and looked at my own upbringing and my own undeserved sense of superiority over some others and I was shocked at myself. My sense of better-than-some-others needs my acknowledgment and my work to release it. I know it won’t be easy, but I realize my thinking makes me an unempathetic person and I want to change. This look at myself reminds me of an experience I had three years ago when I was visiting in Los Angeles. I share that blog post now as a reminder to myself and to others about how our upbringing can lift or lower us, but that we are all similar. Here is the post from March 27, 2014:

Life is struggle: meeting with people unknown

  • Unwanted, unacknowledged, untended, underfed, unappreciated, unloved, unnoticed, undervalued, undone. The life of the drunk man who sneaked on the bus today and sat by me.
  • Wanted, acknowledged, tended, fed, appreciated, loved, noticed, valued, empowered. My life.

I was riding on an L.A. Metro bus waiting for my soon-to-arrive stop, when the bus stopped to let people off and he sneaked in from the back door and sat next to me. His breath reeked of alcohol, he was dirty, and he was hoping to avoid the notice of the bus driver. He was hopeful that I would not make a fuss, because his day had been one more difficult day in the accumulating number of difficult days that are his life. He didn’t really choose me; I was simply sitting in a convenient place for him to slide in.

I told him that I was about to get off so he shouldn’t sit there, but he ignored me. He spoke somewhat incoherently and I didn’t understand what he said. I told him he hadn’t paid and he started to panic and began talking about how he lives in the Hollywood Hills and is very rich, and the alcohol smell was strong. I felt very uncomfortable and decided to change the subject because he seemed agitated and was moving closer. I talked about the unseasonable rain in L.A. that morning and he was distracted. He realized I wasn’t going to say anything to the bus driver so he became chatty. But then he asked me my name, gave me his, tried to take my hand, really reeked of alcohol.

I was unsure what to do but then we reached my stop, and I told him to press the button for me because we had arrived at my stop. He moved and I pressed the button and asked him to let me out. I was unsure—afraid he might get off and follow me, unsure whether to just go out the back door or go to the front and notify the bus driver, unprepared for this situation. He turned slightly in his seat barely giving me room to get by. I grabbed my things close, forgot my scarf, and exited the bus from the back. He didn’t follow. I felt relieved, noticed my forgotten scarf, walked the wrong way and then corrected my direction.

And what about him? He felt gratitude towards me that I had remained silent, sat quietly for the rest of the trip, got off at his stop to continue his usual existence.

The message from Spirit: Two hearts beating a little too fast. Two lives being lived—one with acceptance, the other with rejection. Both equal.

Spirit is sharing wisdom about  feelings of superiority:

What People Want

Post 13-screen beans supporting

  • To be acknowledged
  • To have someone that gives love
  • To give love in return
  • To feel needed
  • To belong
  • To be recognized for abilities and efforts
  • To invest efforts in living

Security is also wanted, but not by all. Fame inspires some, but its call is quiet for most. Challenge beyond abilities appeals to a few, and it provides satisfaction and regrets. Camaraderie in experiences and memories appeals to most.

Long life is thought to be wanted by all, but many prefer significance to long existence. Significance can come from dedication to a cause or achievement that brings a feeling of completion.

Besides long life, money is thought to be wanted by all. Ownership, a result of money spent, invites those who want it, but not those who seek freedom from things. The feelings of power that come from money are appealing to many, but not to all. Money is important, yet it is less important than other desires.

Connection!
Connection to others and connection to the world around hold the real wants of all people. Being part of and being needed.

Connection offers true satisfaction in life!

Noticing the Wait Staff

waitress-clipart-waitress

Spoiled. That’s how we feel when we are waited upon. Someone to hear what we want. Someone taking orders.

Our needs receive precedence, If only for a moment. What we want to eat or drink or buy. The way we like. And they hear us.

We focus on ourselves and they help us feel important. Feel special.

The wait staff has weight of the business on their backs. They represent the business and they ignore themselves. Their identities are intertwined with the success of the business, and the business uses them.

Noticing the wait staff requires empathy. We, as the customers, can be interested in ourselves and notice the wait staff by giving empathy to ourselves and to them. Acknowledgement enough for their existence as our “hosts” and as individuals with lives apart from the business. Acknowledgement enough for ourselves and our responsibilities.

Businesses require subservience of its workers and dismissal of their struggles. But we can see the workers as equals, interact with kindness, order with a smile.

The customers lift daily duties from meaningless to purposeful for the wait staff—and the vibrations of balance in the world deepen.

Animal Awareness: Recognition and Conflict in People

Oblio-post3Dogs recognize dogs that are from their lineage. They recognize them through scent and corresponding stimulation of taste sensors. Dogs from the same lineage will form packs if they are allowed freedom. The pack will provide protection and sustenance to its members. The pack will fight dogs from other lineages and animals that threaten the pack. The pack is “family”.

buffalo

Buffaloes group by blood ties. They recognize connection through scent and corresponding stimulation of nerve receptors in the nasal cavity. A herd of buffaloes will contain grandparents, parents, and children, if they are allowed to live in freedom. The herd will link to other buffalo herds to search for food together, but they huddle in their family groups when natural disasters prevent escape.

friendships

People differ from other animals because their brains allow them to defy natural inclination to protect and group within the biological family. Like buffaloes, people naturally group by blood ties. Like dogs, people recognize lineage. Unlike buffaloes and dogs, people can adapt to live with very different people.

People can overlook the natural tendency to choose sameness and can choose “other” instead. The ability to adapt to general human behaviors enables adaptation to different cultures, traditions, and views. The ability to adapt to other people’s customs and ideas should enable understanding and acceptance of all people, rather than racism and fear.

The desire for ownership is the cause of human conflict. Wanting someone else’s land or possessions or abilities leads to arguments and ruthlessness and wars. Wanting someone else’s partner leads to manipulation and to regrets. Wanting someone else’s reality leads to wrong choices and conflicts.

The desire for ownership will be explored in the seventh book in the Existence-Me Elevated Living book series: Descending into War, Descending into Contempt.

The Friendship Drift

clouds

Clouds float in the sky, each with its course and oscillation. The clouds float on their own courses, but join and separate when their courses intersect or diverge. The joining can be fleeting or it can last until the clouds are no more. The separating can be complete, with each cloud retaining its original form and content, or it can be wrenching, with one or both of the clouds pulling at the other’s shape and taking part away with it. Clouds can join in groups, staying together until they are no more, or separating singly or in groups, with each separation having retention or taking away. Clouds have purpose, and as they float they perform their individual tasks. When joined, they sometimes perform together or change their purposes. Clouds have interesting aspects.

Friendship has interesting aspects. Friends each have their path and equivocation. They build their lives along their own paths, but join and separate when circumstances bring them together or separate them. The joining can be short-lived or can last a lifetime. Separation can be final, with each person staying on his or her path, or the movement away from one another can bring pain or remembrances of joy. Friendships can be between two or among many, existing until circumstances bring separation, with some friendships remaining and some dissolving. Each person in a friendship has purpose, and the friends maintain their individual purposes as they experience life together.  Their togetherness has mutual influence, and the friends sometimes change their purposes from influence of a friend. Yes, friendship has interesting aspects.

Friends made during childhood can last a lifetime, but holding on to childhood friendships when they no longer bring comfort is disheartening and senseless. Friendships developed through work or proximity are worth developing for the comfort they bring at the time. Building new friendships throughout one’s life is wisdom performed. The joining of people into groups of friends is wise as well.

Clouds and friends, drifting along in joined companionship.

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