A Balanced Approach to Wellness!

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Choosing a life partner

hearts-love

With so many marriages ending in divorce and so many others filled with frustration and anger, I decided to ask Spirit about marriage. (Also, my daughter recently married so I have marriage on my mind 🙂 ) Here is the answer I received:

People are meant to pair. The pairing is necessary for support in an uncertain world and for a viable environment for children. Children are more secure in a paired family.

Choosing the person who will be suitable for navigating an uncertain world requires knowing oneself. The partner should be someone who looks at life with similar hopes. Less important are skin color, religious affiliation, and sex appeal; however, devoutly religious people pair better with others who are similarly devout.

The choice of partner requires evaluation of one’s own hopes for the future and the hopes of potential partners. Physical appearance and compatible personalities narrow the choices. The partner who is chosen must make the same evaluations.

Marriage and committed devotion are equally valid in creating pairings. Marriage makes the pairings socially and legally recognized. Committed devotion is different, depending on societal expectations.

When hopes for the future are compatible, the couples can weather crises better. When hopes for the future have no common ground, crises—no matter the size—become obstacles to relationship investment. Each person must be invested in the relationship for it to flourish.

Throughout the togetherness, there will be misunderstandings, kindnesses, celebrations, sadness, expectations missed, expectations met, differences, and comfort. Those who focus on the negative aspects will be unhappy. Those who focus on the positive aspects will be secure.

Pairings that are not based on common hopes occur frequently because of societal pressures and misunderstanding about oneself. These pairings are less compatible, yet they deserve the same efforts to keep them flourishing. Common hopes can be developed over time.

No matter the reasons for pairing, each partner is active in the success or chaos that exists between the partners. Pairings that are forced are difficult to endure. Pairings that are untrue (such as homosexuals marrying heterosexuals or unions based on lies), are debilitating. Pairings are best when there is honesty in the relationships.

“The heart wants what it wants”

Hearts-anniversary

A famous person has used this idea to justify inappropriate coupling. Another famous person has used this excuse to justify staying in a destructive relationship. This statement has been used to avoid loving someone and to hurt someone else. It is a catch-all phrase that often relinquishes responsibility for behavior that is un-heart related.

The heart, in its intuitive wisdom, guides towards relationships that are uplifting. Hormones and the eyes can override the heart’s wisdom. Fear and aloneness can block the wisdom. Societal constraints and prejudices also add to the mix that cancels the connection to the heart’s wisdom.

When a person chooses a relationship that is not uplifting and says the choice came from the heart, know that the heart was not involved in the choice. The heart would not intentionally hurt or misdirect.

What does the heart want? The heart wants understanding.

Note: This post is from Spirit, as are all the heart posts.

When the heart feels abandoned

Post 111 Life is struggle

Abandonment of the heart can be physical and emotional. Ignoring the heart’s calls for help when it physically hurts is physical abandonment. Ignoring the heart’s need for connections is emotional abandonment.

Physical abandonment can be felt more immediately, and ignored calls for attention can lead to impairment of heart function. Physical abandonment can also lead to extended impairment throughout the body.

Emotional abandonment is less immediately noticeable, but it afflicts the body over time if relationships are not nourished. Emotional abandonment is serious, but less ominous.

Physical impairment of the heart can come from improper care of the body, emotional turmoil that is excessive, or genetic weakness:

  • Less can be done about genetic weakness; however, genetic weakness does not condemn a person to heart troubles. An emotionally strong heart can triumph over genetic predisposition to heart troubles.
  • Emotional turmoil that is excessive strains the heart’s functioning. Heartache that leads to depression or restrained emotional connections can cause impairment. Overly excited outbursts of emotion—positive or negative—can disturb heart function over time and lead to weakening the heart’s rhythmic beating.
  • Improper care of the body that leads to impairment of the heart is described in the blog posts “Heart attack secrets” and “Things that harm the heart”.

Physical abandonment of the heart is usually done without understanding that our actions create havoc in our bodies. Choosing to care for the heart involves rethinking choices and habits.

Emotional impairment of the heart can develop because of hurts experienced as a child or young adult, by heartache that is too profound, and by religious teachings that extol martyrdom. Emotional abandonment of the heart is as serious as physical abandonment, but its marks on the body are less pronounced. Its marks are mainly on society and family.

Whether abandonment of the heart is physical or emotional is less important that the fact that the heart can be abandoned. Abandonment of the heart is a sad thing that is reversible and worth fixing.

Note: This post was delivered to me through my heart’s connection to Spirit. Heart pain is worth checking with a medical doctor when it is continuous.

Heart Wise

Heart wise

To be heart wise is to be tuned into your heart’s understanding. The heart, the intangible heart, knows the need for connections, for heartfelt connections, and it will push you to create these connections. Listening to your heart’s guidance is living life wisely.

Heartfelt connections are filled with forgiveness and desire for understanding. These connections offer acceptance and support. They fill relationships with warmth and they encourage openness and attention.

Heartfelt actions are not always kind, but they are felt deeply. The actions reflect inputs from past and present pressures so that the actions are not purely heart present. Heartfelt actions that are hurtful cause guilt and remorse. Heartfelt actions that are plagued by tiredness are sometimes stilted or delivered with incorrect intention. Feeling love does not guarantee heartfelt actions that reflect the true feelings.

When actions are consistently unkind, the connections require reconsideration. Unkindness mainly comes from a place of not-love. When the source of a relationship is forced connection or deception, heartfelt actions are difficult to perform because the heart knows the truth. The mind can pretend, but the heart knows.

Heart wise connections bring sincere satisfaction and grounding. They require investment of time and determination. Heart wise connections are not necessarily easy nor are they without turbulence. What they are is truth: truth from the heart.

Connected blog posts are “Matters of the heart” and “Giving your heart away”.

Filling your heart with destination

caring

The movement towards the end of life is constant, but is not specifically defined, so that our living is always within suspense. We hope for long life, but know that reality can be different, with death a constant possibility. We try to live life without focusing on this reality, but the reality lurks behind all we do nonetheless.

When we live with the final destination in mind, we can focus on living fully. Living fully means investing in relationships, community, and vision. Living fully means opening our hearts to experience love and heartache. Living fully means exploring our personal talents, exploring and questioning the world around us, and exploring the connection to Spirit. And living fully can be accomplished at any age!

When the light in our eyes flickers out and the pumping of the blood ceases, we want to have filled our hearts with destination: loving our loved ones fully, knowing our personal talents and gifts, and seeing our place in the greater world around us. Death of course will come, but let it come without regrets or self-castigation.

When the light in our eyes flickers out, our soul energy will flicker in the lives of the loved ones we cherished while we lived.

Note: This post was delivered to me through my heart’s connection to Spirit. Spirit offers us love and kindness whenever we are ready to receive them.

Matters of the heart

Hearts-anniversary

Love can be complicated, especially when our expectations are too high or are unrealistic.

Spirit has weighed in on love and relationships. Here are spiritual insights about love that appear in the book Oneself-Living—Possibilities, Quiet Treasures, Ways.

True-love fantasy

“Love that is fantasy is love that is too unreal. This type of love is misunderstood and unattainable. This type of love is difficult and tiring. Falling in love is real as is feeling strong love for another person; however, “true love” is fabrication. Investing in the myth of a perfect love match is non-sustaining. Non-sustaining in terms of health and self-esteem and perception. Attaching to fabled storytelling is abusive, self-abuse.”

Unrequited love

“Love that is one-directional is love that is wasted. This type of love is sad and lonely. This type of love is wasted and futile. Love, such as “love” of a celebrity or of a person who is unavailable, is effort expended for naught. Investing in a non-reciprocal un-relationship is simply non-sustaining. Non-sustaining in terms of health and self-esteem. Lowering one’s value—value of one’s time and one’s being—is simply abusive, self-abuse.”

Realistic love

“Love is labyrinthian, multifaceted, and demanding—demanding in attention, demanding in compassion. Demanding in a good way, that is, love requires consideration of a person’s essence and foibles. Essence: a person’s character, habits, and presentation.  Foibles: minor shortcomings, but not abusive behavior towards self and others. Multi-faceted refers to the various moods of love—desire, yearning, simmer, and satisfaction. Labyrinthian because love can be hard to negotiate, discover, and unravel.

Love is not unkind words or impatience; those manifestations come from places of not-love. Ill-tempered treatment of so-called loved ones is not-love. Ridicule, sarcastic retorts, and condescension come from places of not-love. not-love is also multifaceted, but its surfaces are tarnished by traumas from the past, unrealistic expectations, or tiredness.

Feelings of so-so can develop into feelings of love when want is in place. Wanting to succeed, wanting to give, wanting to overlook. Feelings of aversion can develop into feelings of love when the view is adjusted. Seeing from a different angle, seeing with fresh eyes, seeing in a new light.

Feelings of humiliation or degradation generally do not develop into feelings of love, ever. People can overcome humiliating treatment, but their love is tarnished and is not really love. More like crippled-love. It is not not-love, but love that is tentative and wary.

Learning to love begins at a very young age. Babies develop love for their caregivers; the caregivers often develop love for the baby in their care. Young children love their caregivers and animals and their life if they are allowed to develop freely. Societal morĂ©s and reality impinge on their feelings of joyful love. Love of peers develops through interaction with people who present similar or non-out-of-sync behavior and outlook. Love of a single, special person can come from much time spent together or from awareness of an inexplicable bond or from a combination of these two components…”

“Love is laborious, exciting, and maddening like a labyrinth; multifaceted like a fashioned gem, and exacting like a demanding god. Love can cause people to commit terrible acts or wondrous feats of altruism. Love leads to coupling, caring for ailing family members, and celebrations. Love can lead to laughter, worry, and expectations. Ever changing, ever rearranging.

People can create loving relationships when they are motivated. A relationship that is mutually fulfilling results in the possibility of love…”

Oneself-Living—Possibilities, Quiet Treasures, Ways can be purchased at amazon.com: http://a.co/jcZb1ac

Cover-Oneself-Living

How to fill an overextended heart

Post 111 Life is struggle

Sometimes we overextend our hearts by taking on the problems of too many people or by concerning ourselves with people whose lives aren’t connect to our own (like the lives of celebrities) or by harming our hearts with negative emotions such as despair, worry, and alienation.

The overextended heart might seem too full, but it is actually too empty! It is unable to feel personal feelings of love and sympathy, because it is focused elsewhere. The love and sympathy for family members and close friends misdirects and leaves “holes”.

These unfilled holes contribute to lack of patience, unfocused attention, and unfulfilled promises and expectation with the people who are really important. The holes produce a sense of emptiness, which some people “fill” through attachment to addictive substances or behaviors. The holes remain empty though, begging for filling through acts of love and caring towards family members and close friends.

If our hearts are overextended, how do we find the way to fill the holes and fulfill our hearts? Each overextended heart has been overextended in its own individual way, so general guidelines can only be partially applicable. An Energy Guidance Complete session can help you if you feel the overextension is too hard to tackle alone.

Here are general guidelines to fill an overextended heart:

  • If you follow the private life of one or more celebrities, vow to lessen their importance in your life and take tangible steps to remove their comings and goings from your daily life. Remind yourself that these relationships are not reciprocal: the celebrities are not interested in you.
  • If you feel despair, worry, and/or alienation too often, there are many things you can do, such as bringing a pet into your life, bringing more plants into your environment, spending time in nature, pushing yourself to meet with friends, talking to family members, exploring a spiritual connection.
  • If the holes in your heart have led you to cover them with immersion in addictive substances and/or behaviors, you most likely need assistance recognizing the emptiness side of your addiction. The overextension caused by addiction might be too hard to escape alone.
  • If the holes in your heart are ignored through workaholicism, volunteerism run amok, or desire to remain aloof from the needs of family members and friends, the future might bring you events in which you will need the help of others, but the others won’t be there for you. Invest now in friendships and close relationships to prevent heartache later. (Read the post “Investing for a rainy day, the good and bad news”.)
  • If the holes in your heart are fluff-filled by self-absorption, your connections will become diluted over time. The first step is to recognize that you are too focused on yourself and the next step is to practice empathy for a loved one who is very different from you. When you feel that you have built up your relationship to this person, choose another loved one and work at feeling happiness for this person’s life events. The more loved ones you connect to, the more holes will be filled, and the joy in your heart will be able to overflow.

An overextended heart is reversible when it is acknowledged and addressed. Each cause of heart overextension requires different work, and some causes are harder to overcome than others, but they all can be overcome.

Living with a heart filled with love for one’s close friends and family brings balance to the world!

Note: This post was delivered to me through my heart’s connection to Spirit. Spirit offers us love and kindness whenever we are ready to receive them.

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