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Posts tagged ‘people connection’

Releasing the Undeserved Sense of Superiority

Yesterday’s post, Undeserved Superiority, yells at us to acknowledge our feelings of superiority over others and to then stop! Stop thinking we’re better than someone else because of our social standing or our religion or our race (among other things that make us feel superior).

I stopped and looked at my own upbringing and my own undeserved sense of superiority over some others and I was shocked at myself. My sense of better-than-some-others needs my acknowledgment and my work to release it. I know it won’t be easy, but I realize my thinking makes me an unempathetic person and I want to change. This look at myself reminds me of an experience I had three years ago when I was visiting in Los Angeles. I share that blog post now as a reminder to myself and to others about how our upbringing can lift or lower us, but that we are all similar. Here is the post from March 27, 2014:

Life is struggle: meeting with people unknown

  • Unwanted, unacknowledged, untended, underfed, unappreciated, unloved, unnoticed, undervalued, undone. The life of the drunk man who sneaked on the bus today and sat by me.
  • Wanted, acknowledged, tended, fed, appreciated, loved, noticed, valued, empowered. My life.

I was riding on an L.A. Metro bus waiting for my soon-to-arrive stop, when the bus stopped to let people off and he sneaked in from the back door and sat next to me. His breath reeked of alcohol, he was dirty, and he was hoping to avoid the notice of the bus driver. He was hopeful that I would not make a fuss, because his day had been one more difficult day in the accumulating number of difficult days that are his life. He didn’t really choose me; I was simply sitting in a convenient place for him to slide in.

I told him that I was about to get off so he shouldn’t sit there, but he ignored me. He spoke somewhat incoherently and I didn’t understand what he said. I told him he hadn’t paid and he started to panic and began talking about how he lives in the Hollywood Hills and is very rich, and the alcohol smell was strong. I felt very uncomfortable and decided to change the subject because he seemed agitated and was moving closer. I talked about the unseasonable rain in L.A. that morning and he was distracted. He realized I wasn’t going to say anything to the bus driver so he became chatty. But then he asked me my name, gave me his, tried to take my hand, really reeked of alcohol.

I was unsure what to do but then we reached my stop, and I told him to press the button for me because we had arrived at my stop. He moved and I pressed the button and asked him to let me out. I was unsure—afraid he might get off and follow me, unsure whether to just go out the back door or go to the front and notify the bus driver, unprepared for this situation. He turned slightly in his seat barely giving me room to get by. I grabbed my things close, forgot my scarf, and exited the bus from the back. He didn’t follow. I felt relieved, noticed my forgotten scarf, walked the wrong way and then corrected my direction.

And what about him? He felt gratitude towards me that I had remained silent, sat quietly for the rest of the trip, got off at his stop to continue his usual existence.

The message from Spirit: Two hearts beating a little too fast. Two lives being lived—one with acceptance, the other with rejection. Both equal.

Spirit is sharing wisdom about  feelings of superiority:

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People

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Participating Meaningfully

Post 22-meetrings

When we take part in uplifting community efforts, we become uplifted, we fulfill natural desire to be part of, and we are helping our bodies be well.

“Gathering together forges ties and friendships, support and community. Whether the occasion is happy or sad or tension filled or relaxed, gathering together leads to emotional release, emotional awareness, or emotional expression, even if the emotions are repressed or explosive. The importance of gathering in small groups or in larger arrangements is often overlooked.” from Pond a Connected Existence.

Gathering together, whether in a large or small group, is a natural way for people to live. Celebrations or school meetings, religious services or community clean-ups, all bring people together and all uplift. Gathering together for purposes that are degrading or destructive not only cause imbalances in the participants, but also cause a group sense of despair—even if the participants think that they enjoyed themselves.

The key for a gathering to create positive repercussions is that the gathering be a setting for appreciation and giving.

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Sustaining activities

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Expanding Roots

Post 14-environment

People were meant to root like plants, to stay attached to the area in which they were born and attached to the people living around them. People are adjustable, though, and when events happen to uproot them they can adapt to new environments and different ways of functioning.

How do these facts relate to the modern world of less attachment to one place and movement from place to place?

Rootedness is an internal, deep characteristic that can’t be ignored. Rootedness is a mechanism for developing physically and emotionally. Rootedness contributes to feelings of security and the ability to identify expressions, such as expressions of concern and disdain. When a person feels rooted, the displays of personal responsibility are more frequent.

How to increase development of rootedness

  • If you live in an area that is very different from where you lived as a child, aim to create a network of support that provides emotional support and intellectual stimulation.
  • If you live in an area that is similar to where you grew up, aim to create a network of support that challenges you to be involved and influential.
  • If you live in an area that you dislike, create a “What I like about this place” tour and aim to find positive aspects of your location.
  • If you move from place to place, aim to develop relationships at local businesses, religious institutions, and organizations that are similar to ones you were active in in the past or do work that appeals to you. At each place, strive to build friendships, even if they are temporary.
  • If you live where you grew up, take part in the running of the city/town/community. Allow new residents into your network of support.

Personal responsibility through rootedness

When a person feels a sense of responsibility towards a place, natural desire to take part in its care usually occurs. People who are connected to their community tend to involve themselves in communal betterment and social networks. These connections contribute to well-being and health. When a person feels rooted, personal actions take on larger significance and personal contributions to the community are felt. Involvement in outside-of-one’s-own interests brings satisfaction that contributes to balance—balance of the person and balance in the community. Feelings of attachment to a place, whether through birth or through choice, brings gifts that are not often realized.

Wherever we live, we do good for ourselves when we send out roots.

Category:

Connections

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Connections = living that is correct

Connections

By design, people are meant to connect. They are meant to connect with other people and with their own needs, with the seasons and with the environment, with the animals who roam the earth, and with spiritual energy. Yes, that means each of us. Each of us, you and I, are designed and programmed to connect. Connection is built-in. Part of the people blueprint.

Although the connections are very different, they intertwine and inform one another. People are meant to depend on one another. They are designed to work in groups: to build together, to create communities, to help one another in times of difficulty, to find common purpose, and to help those entering and exiting life. People are meant to learn from the world around and to contribute to its betterment.

The natural world has its rhythms and cycles, cycles of seasons and cycles of beginnings and endings. People are meant to fit into these rhythms and cycles, and to gain self-awareness through their observations. Observation of the animals adds to self-awareness and to appreciation of ourselves and of the amazement of life. Amazing too are the heights people can ascend when they allow their own self-abilities and personality to lead their lives. Opening to sharing in the wonder of the world with spiritual energy is opening to more vital and glorious living.

Each of us, you and I, are designed and programmed to connect and care and feel. Connecting to and feeling part of, caring for and feeling empathy, and feeling intertwined. The design is the design.

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Connections

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Life is struggle: meeting with people unknown

 

Post 111 Life is struggle

Unwanted, unacknowledged, untended, underfed, unappreciated, unloved, unnoticed, undervalued, undone. The life of the drunk man who sneaked on the bus today and sat by me.

Wanted, acknowledged, tended, fed, appreciated, loved, noticed, valued, empowered. My life.

I was riding on an L.A. Metro bus waiting for my soon-to-arrive stop, when the bus stopped to let people off and he sneaked in from the back door and sat next to me. His breath reeked of alcohol, he was dirty, and he was hoping to avoid the notice of the bus driver. He was hopeful that I would not make a fuss, because his day had been one more difficult day in the accumulating number of difficult days that are his life. He didn’t really choose me; I was simply sitting in a convenient place for him to slide in.

I told him that I was about to get off so he shouldn’t sit there, but he ignored me. He spoke somewhat incoherently and I didn’t understand what he said. I told him he hadn’t paid and he started to panic and began talking about how he lives in the Hollywood Hills and is very rich, and the alcohol smell was strong. I felt very uncomfortable and decided to change the subject because he seemed agitated and was moving closer. I talked about the unseasonable rain in L.A. that morning and he was distracted. He realized I wasn’t going to say anything to the bus driver so he became chatty. But then he asked me my name, gave me his, tried to take my hand, really reeked of alcohol.

I was unsure what to do but then we reached my stop, and I told him to press the button for me because we had arrived at my stop. He moved and I pressed the button and asked him to let me out. I was unsure—afraid he might get off and follow me, unsure whether to just go out the back door or go to the front and notify the bus driver, unprepared for this situation. He turned slightly in his seat barely giving me room to get by. I grabbed my things close, forgot my scarf, and exited the bus from the back. He didn’t follow. I felt relieved, noticed my forgotten scarf, walked the wrong way and then corrected my direction.

And what about him? He felt gratitude towards me that I had remained silent, sat quietly for the rest of the trip, got off at his stop to continue his usual existence.

Two hearts beating a little too fast. Two lives being lived—one with acceptance, the other with rejection. Both equal.

Category:

People

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Distractions along the way

Post 82-

Maintaining concentration is made difficult when pressure is felt or goals are not concrete and personally important. When a person is easily distracted (which is most people), small or seemingly important distractions can completely upstage the true goals. On top of that, if a person is a “deficit in attention” labeled person, he or she may accept the easily distractedness as a personality trait rather than work at maintaining concentration.

All people are designed to be distracted; it is a survival technique. People are also designed to concentrate in short segments of time. Prolonged concentration is not to be expected without a price in imbalance in the body. Also, making excuses for lack of ability to concentrate for prolonged periods of time is wasted effort. Of course most people can’t do that; it’s not part of the design.

Rather than label children (or adults) because they can’t sit still or focus on personally unimportant information, parents and caregivers (including teachers) should consider issues such as nutrition, home dynamics, sleep disturbances, lack of sufficient physical movement, interests of the child, intellectual challenges (or lack of), stimulation from too much exposure to technology, lack of stimulation from natural elements (nature, animals, and the seasons), and invisibility (the child feels that he or she is not really seen for who he/she is). All these influences come into play when maintaining concentration is too easily broken.

More to come…Please share this information with people who question the status quo of dealing with attention deficit issues.

Category:

Attention deficit

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Healing attention issues through nature

Post 81-helaing through nature

Mountains
Rolling hills
Roadside scenery
These things
Take for granted
People
People

People,
People
Take for granted
These things:
Roadside scenery
Rolling hills
Mountains

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Applications
Social network games
Internet sensations
These things
Too much focus
From.
Distraction!

 Distraction
From
Too much focus
These things:
Internet sensations
Social network games
Applications

@@@@@@@@@@@

“The influences of nature were once the major influences on people. Some people and cultures run their lives around the cycles of nature, but the number of people who are nature-centric lessens with developments in technology. The ways in which people are affected and driven by nature are many. Being cut off from nature contributes to lowered attentiveness which in turn decreases attention capabilities. The connection to flora and fauna significantly 1) broadens and heightens understanding of cycles and fluctuations; 2) develops appreciative and inquisitive capabilities; and 3) causes people to examine and work with vegetation that aid human life and animals that enhance human existence. When people allowed fluctuations of time, season, and life to govern their lives, they developed more attentive skills.”  from the chapter “What is Attention Capability?” in Oneself—Living (soon to be published).

Without a constant connection to nature, the ability to concentrate for extended periods of time is lessened and unappreciated, the ability to focus is shortened, and the ability to be resourceful is lessened. Not for everyone, but for most.

The lessening and shortening of concentration, focus and resourcefulness have led to wide-scale lack-of-attention problems. Occasionally, the problems have additional contributors such as genetic or hereditary deficits or human-inflicted causes (abuse or improper treatment). Lack-of-attention problems have become big business, and the causes are being overlooked, while the symptoms are being treated or over-treated.

The best way to reverse attention lack-of is to rediscover nature!

  • More walks in green areas!
  • More visits to parks and nature areas!
  • More visits to petting zoos and to farms that allow the animals to be touched!
  • More fruit picking and visits to farmers’ markets!
  • More plants and flowers inside the home and more attention to landscaping outside the home!
  • More observation of roadside scenery, of the sky and of the landscape around us!
  • More visits to water: beaches, lakes, rivers and springs!
  • More visits to botanical gardens and other city gardens!
  • More participation in community gardens and garden clubs!
  • More making of mud pies and castles in the sand!
  • More walking barefoot in the grass!
  • More playing of instruments! (Oops-this hint belongs in another post, but it applies here too 🙂

Category:

Attention deficit

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When we set our alarm clock…

Post 69-People

“Certainty. We all want certainty. And sometimes we get it. When we prepare for things, we often get the desired outcome. When we measure and work in an exacting manner, our cakes taste right, they look beautiful, they make the eaters happy. When we wash our hands, they are clean. When we allow enough time, we (usually) arrive at our destination on time. When we set our alarm clock, we wake up on time—usually. When we build buildings with strong foundations, they keep us secure—except in times of war or destructive natural disasters.

-from the chapter “Certainty Relatively” in The Gift of Intuitive, Dedicated Comfort

When we set our alarm clock, the chance of waking up at the time we chose is somewhat guaranteed. When we plan our day, the chance of getting our chores/job/errands/extras done has increased. When we think about the family members we should reach out to, we sometimes reach out. When we remember that we should call a loved one, we occasionally call. When we consider the importance of connecting with a sibling or other close relative, we know it’s important, but we might or might not make the time for the connection. And so it goes.

Life is busy and if we don’t plan ahead, important things can get forgotten.

Category:

Focused living

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Compassion

Blog 66-CompassionSome people say that people are not compassionate by nature. That is not true. People are compassionate; compassion is part of the design. Women and men, in varying degrees depending on their hormonal make-up, are compassionate.

Compassion can be displayed in the ways in which people interact with one another, with animals, with inanimate objects (such as knick knacks and clothing), and with gems. In general, compassion should be shown towards living and breathing creatures; the compassion towards the nonliving items is compassion misplaced.

When a person confuses the recipient of compassion—the nonliving item in place of the living creature—something has occurred in that person’s life that upset the natural order for compassion. People are meant to feel compassion for other people, and not feeling compassion is the incorrect response. No! Compassion is kindness presented internally which stimulates warm and caring feelings for the people, animals, and nature in one’s surroundings.

To truly feel compassion for another person, one simply has to live the design.

Category:

People, Well-being

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I want my way!

Post 52-my wayI want things my way. My way is best. My way or the highway. My way, not any other way.

Do you know people like that? Controlling types who must have things just the way they like them or a tantrum starts. I’m not talking about young children who naturally tantrum because they are learning the rules of socialization. I’m talking about adults who should have learned to compromise. People who tantrum (yes, it’s a verb here) when they cannot have things the way they want are in need of three things: a turn of focus towards others in serious need, physical expressions of caring (hugs, kisses, and smiles), and training in the art of listening.

You might say that this is easy for me to say, but how do you get the controlpeople  (yes, it’s one word) to do these things?

  1. You can forward this article to them (but they might start tantrumming).
  2. You can release them from your life if they are not family members.
  3. If they are family members who do not really need your company, you can limit your time with them.
  4. You can breathe in this rhythm when he or she starts to tantrum: breathe in to a count of 5, breathe out to a count of 4—until the person requires a response. The breathing and counting should help you lessen the tantrum’s effect on your body and will help you tune out the unpleasant words. When you respond, consider your own needs and say what they are. If the person start’s to tantrum again, try to sing a favorite song in your head until a response is required. Again, say what your needs are; however, before you do, think about how this person is in need of physical expressions of caring and try to feel compassion. Try to respond in a way that is less harmful to yourself; in other words, if the tantrum hurts you, say things that will not induce another tantrum, but without completely giving in. Not easy, but effective.

Controlpeople cannot be controlled, but their effects can be limited when we know our options.

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Focused living

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Conflict among unacquainted dwellers

Post 47-conflict

conflict, n. competitive action of incompatible people

among, prep. in.

unacquainted , adj. unfamiliar.

dwellers, n. inhabitants.

Conflict among unacquainted dwellers is the source of most discord in the world. The key word is unacquainted because when an acquaintance is made there is usually less conflict. Especially when the dwellers live in close surroundings. Neighbors not knowing their neighbors can lead to a sense of separateness and uncaring. Cousins who are not in contact with one another because of familial disagreements have a diminished sense of belonging. Siblings who lose connection because of distance or disinterest have a lessened sense of completion. City A residents have little care for City B residents. and so it goes…

conflict, n. competitive action between characters in a work of fiction that drives the action of the plot.

among, prep. by the joint action of.

unacquainted , adj. not knowledgeable.

dwellers, n. those who exist in a given setting.

Conflict among unacquainted dwellers. In a novel, conflict brings interest and  momentum and plot. The characters are dwellers in a realm that is unknown to them except as the author sees fit to join them. The characters do not really choose their actions, the author does. The characters do not really inhabit a location; they simply float in the chosen locale.

The key difference between living people and created characters is the ability to choose actions, reactions, and position (not a location, but a point of view). Choosing to stay unfamiliar with others, choosing to distance from because it’s too hard to make an effort, choosing not to contact or assist or be truthful with. The choice is the main component in conflict—choosing to see the other as unworthy or unbearable or unsatisfactory. Choice is the wonderful thing about being human and our failing.  Because choosing to be kind, caring, and supportive should be the right choices all the time.

Among dwellers who have no unacquainted fellow inhabitants, there is little conflict. Obviously no single person can know every other person. The goal is to approach each person as a potential self. People are so different and yet so similar. Very hard to see this connectedness because of societal differences, but it is there nonetheless. The choice is to be open and not discount. Each person has a soul that should be cherished. Each person has a need for survival and nurturing. All the same, not so different.

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People

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Gathering in times of…

Post 12 Screen beans mom and kids

Soon, I will be attending several family gatherings. In honor of these special occasions, here is an essay—well, part of an essay—from book #2:

“A wedding. A funeral. A baby naming. Coming of age ceremonies. Important anniversaries. Unimportant occasions. Unimportant? All occasions that bring people together are important. Gathering together forges ties and friendships, support and community. Whether the occasion is happy or sad or tension filled or relaxed, gathering together leads to emotional release, emotional awareness, or emotional expression, even if the emotions are repressed or explosive. The importance of gathering in small groups or in larger arrangements is often overlooked.

…

People are meant to gather. People are meant to intertwine. People are meant to do for one another, support one another, receive from one another. People have the ability to enrich and entertain and inform one another. Gathering and intertwining, supporting and participating, empathizing and sympathizing are natural aspects of humankind. People who shun human contact, gatherings, or other human interactions have been damaged; they are not the natural beings they were born to be. Their natural inclinations should be to join in, not opt out. Ill treatment by others usually causes these deviations. Some see self-sufficiency and the creation of imaginary barriers to keep people out as positive things. They are wrong. …People are meant to connect.

Attending an event is not enough. Being there physically is not enough. Mouthing nice words without meaning them is not enough. Criticism is best left at home. Envy, too. But, heartfelt joy can stay! As can supportive thoughts! And feelings of comfort or pride or respect—depending on the occasion and the circumstances. Focusing on the people, whether we are tired or busy or have attended “too many” events. Enjoying each one for its own merits, its own purpose, its own celebration.”

Category:

Well-being

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Connections are the means–Connection to people, post 2 of 7

(The information in this post is from The Gift of Intuitive, Dedicated Comfort.)

Connection to other people supports and entertains. This connection enables people to consider the needs of others, to nurture and allow to be nurtured, and to understand oneself.

Nurturing oneself and others is vital to balanced and purposeful living. People were never meant to live alone. The idea that life is elevated by depending on no other person is incorrect. People are meant to depend on one another. They are designed to work in groups: to build together, to create communities, to help one another in times of difficulty, to find common purpose, and to help those entering and exiting life.

Post 12 Screen beans mom and kids

ToDo

  • Assist others in overcoming their personal difficulties
  • Create warm and lasting relationships with family members
  • Create warm and lasting relationships with chosen friends
  • Guide the future generations in the correct ways of living

Category:

Connections

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