A Balanced Approach to Wellness

Posts tagged ‘compassion’

When tragedy strikes

headache

I’ve just learned that a family from a nearby community has suffered a terrible loss. Their eldest child has been killed in a car accident. The funeral is soon.

The tragic loss of a loved one is devastatingly reverberating. The death overcomes the ones who loved the person. The death scares the people who know the family and who fear for the lives of their own loved ones. The death wounds friends and close acquaintances.

Comforting the family of the suddenly bereft is hard. Here are the words of Spirit from the chapter “Concrete Living” in Oneself-Living:

“Natural death is painful for the survivors, but because it is “natural” is easier to accept. Deaths through accidents, disasters (natural or not), struggles such as wars and territorial conflicts, or other human-handed causes are harder to digest. These deaths cause more lingering effects…”

The message: Those left behind, the ones who remember and despair, must be comforted and supported. They must be allowed to mourn and feel overwhelming sadness. The comforters must be patient and open to the mourners’ grief. Slowly, as time passes, the mourners will be pulled back into the world of living, because that is the natural flow of life.

I will visit the house of mourning in a few days. I will bring compassion.

Compassion vs. Hostility

Support

The next two blog posts will present these two different approaches:  compassion and hostility. Each approach has its supporters. Each approach has its repercussions.

See which approach suits your viewpoint and your actions.

Meeting Compassionately

Scenario

A couple (man and woman) are sitting in an outdoor café when a homeless woman approaches them asking for money. The man and woman had been deep in a conversation, and the interruption is jarring. The homeless woman wears tattered and slightly stained clothing and speaks with a stutter.

Reaction

The couple, who are intently engaged in conversation, initially ignore the homeless woman. When she again requests money in her stuttering voice, the woman thinks of her brother who stutters, and quietly asks her partner if he has any spare change. He has none, and says to the homeless woman “I’m sorry. I don’t carry change.” The woman opens her purse to check, takes out a few coins, and hands them to the homeless woman, who receives the money without reaction. The homeless woman continues on her way; the couple returns to their conversion; the woman quietly reminds herself to call her brother; the man looks intently at his partner, marveling at her kindness.

Meeting Compassionately

Compassionately approaching, the preferred approach, relieves tension, balances health, is a sustaining activity. Compassion brings closeness, healing, movement towards, and loving relationships. Compassion is preferred, is beckoning, is solution-centric, is catalytic, is generally better. To meet another with compassionate feelings—WISE, NOURISHING, ADVOCATED. COMFORTING.

The Choice

To choose positivity over negativity is usually more of an effort. To choose to pick up and not walk by is a greater effort. To lend a hand and not relinquish assistance is more work. To volunteer and not accept mediocrity is the responsibility that is often left for others. The rewards for pitching in, helping out, lifting up are sometimes tangible, most often not. The true nature of people requires being part and being available.

Living with compassion and with understanding lends color to life, adds substance and texture to being, grants glimpses into beyond—even when negativity is in the fore. Sometimes, the forces that govern are overbearing and abusive; during these times, compassion and understanding are all the more.

 

Cover-Oneself-Living

This approach is from the book Oneself -Living–Possibilities, Quiet Treasures, Ways in the chapter “Part 2:  Meeting Compassionately”. The book can be purchased through amazon.com stores:

Compassion

Blog 66-CompassionSome people say that people are not compassionate by nature. That is not true. People are compassionate; compassion is part of the design. Women and men, in varying degrees depending on their hormonal make-up, are compassionate.

Compassion can be displayed in the ways in which people interact with one another, with animals, with inanimate objects (such as knick knacks and clothing), and with gems. In general, compassion should be shown towards living and breathing creatures; the compassion towards the nonliving items is compassion misplaced.

When a person confuses the recipient of compassion—the nonliving item in place of the living creature—something has occurred in that person’s life that upset the natural order for compassion. People are meant to feel compassion for other people, and not feeling compassion is the incorrect response. No! Compassion is kindness presented internally which stimulates warm and caring feelings for the people, animals, and nature in one’s surroundings.

To truly feel compassion for another person, one simply has to live the design.

I want my way!

Post 52-my wayI want things my way. My way is best. My way or the highway. My way, not any other way.

Do you know people like that? Controlling types who must have things just the way they like them or a tantrum starts. I’m not talking about young children who naturally tantrum because they are learning the rules of socialization. I’m talking about adults who should have learned to compromise. People who tantrum (yes, it’s a verb here) when they cannot have things the way they want are in need of three things: a turn of focus towards others in serious need, physical expressions of caring (hugs, kisses, and smiles), and training in the art of listening.

You might say that this is easy for me to say, but how do you get the controlpeople  (yes, it’s one word) to do these things?

  1. You can forward this article to them (but they might start tantrumming).
  2. You can release them from your life if they are not family members.
  3. If they are family members who do not really need your company, you can limit your time with them.
  4. You can breathe in this rhythm when he or she starts to tantrum: breathe in to a count of 5, breathe out to a count of 4—until the person requires a response. The breathing and counting should help you lessen the tantrum’s effect on your body and will help you tune out the unpleasant words. When you respond, consider your own needs and say what they are. If the person start’s to tantrum again, try to sing a favorite song in your head until a response is required. Again, say what your needs are; however, before you do, think about how this person is in need of physical expressions of caring and try to feel compassion. Try to respond in a way that is less harmful to yourself; in other words, if the tantrum hurts you, say things that will not induce another tantrum, but without completely giving in. Not easy, but effective.

Controlpeople cannot be controlled, but their effects can be limited when we know our options.

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